On therapy days I typically feel strangely open after therapy. It's weird. In my sessions I feel like I can't open up but later in the day I feel more open and a lot of times I'm able to send an email disclosing big stuff.

Tonight I sent off an email telling my therapist about a fear (more like a phobia) that has a huge grip over my life and consumes me with anxiety. I didn't get into much detail but I think I got across to him how scary it was to tell him.

I've been a wreck since. I specifically asked him for some encouragement back, something I know he's not fond of via email. I'm afraid I asked for too much and I'm afraid to face him a week from now.

He's known about a mysterious phobia that I wasn't ready to address and I imagine when he reads that email he's going to judge me for making mountains out of molehills. Furthermore, I'm afraid he can't help me or I'll be afraid to do the work related to facing it and let him down.

I dunno. I've been tossing and turning for hours and just needed to vent, I guess.

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