Yes, to me, keeping secret what was done to me has been partly about keeping the undeserved shame to myself. But telling others doesn't take the shame away. Recovery for me has been about disowning the shame myself in my heart. Public and even private disclosures need to be done carefully and only when you are ready, and I think they should be made when there is a good reason to disclose. Please don't rush this. You don't deserve the shame, but a disclosure in public or private too soon can be very devastating. I rushed it once and couldn't function for days. In fact, I cried pretty much constantly for the first two days. Safe disclosures require that you have healed enough to accept any and all reactions that people might have. It is also just as important to have built some trust in whoever you tell. I once blurted out my past to someone I knew, but didn't really trust. At that moment, I really just needed someone to talk to and he happened to be there. But it was a mistake and whenever I see him now, I still feel it was a mistake. He simply doesn't use the information nicely -- he tries to make jokes about it and it just isn't funny. It only hurts. Please be careful with this one.

Hope this helps.

mtd