Quote:
Originally Posted by skies
Hi Lamplighter,
I'm quoting what feralkittymom has said because I was thinking along the same lines as her and want to add to her comment.
The kind of anger you are describing is a really diffuse anger about not getting your needs met. The needs are repressed, so there is nothing to hear; nothing to listen too. That's why it seems like he isn't hearing you.
Example (this is a random topic I chose): a person feels alone in the world and a conversation about an upcoming holiday comes up. The person doesn't recognize the aloneness, so expresses anger about holiday advertising. Only it doesn't stop there; the anger will range from traffic to capitalism. Presented to a therapist, he knows the anger has nothing to do with traffic or capitalism. You just know.
I believe your T is doing the right thing by trying to help you access what's behind the anger. Like FKM said, you can only do that with directed anger. This anger is diffuse; think of it as all the disavowed aloneness of the person in the example above, but spread out (diffuse) over all interactions throughout the entire week.
Sorry if it sounds dismissive to say there is "nothing" to hear or listen too. It's just that the things you are angry about might not have anything to do with the anger. If that's the case, then it can't be listened too. I don't know how else to explain it, but I hope you get to the bottom of it soon! 
edited to add:
I found someone who explains this much better: |
Thanks Skies for taking the time to reply.
I just want to clarify though, to both you and FKM, that my anger is and always has been very specific, there is ALWAYS something real and particular that sparks it and which I am able to pinpoint and say, hey THIS is pissing me off. For a T to ignore actual issues that are genuinely angering me in the vague 'therapeutic' attitude of, let's get to what 'really' is going on, is disingenuous and dismissive.
My questions were to do with my having plunged into what seems like a global state of anger where just about everything my T is doing/not doing saying/not saying is winding me up - and I thought I was quite clear in explaining that that global state was very much to do with specific things I'm needing and wanting from T, but am not getting. I really do not consider that to be 'diffuse' and 'inaccessible'.
I should also point out that even apparently diffuse anger such as you both talk about, can (and in my opinion definitely should) be listened to.