Try to take it easy on yourself and not allow your mind to visit places or create scenarios without solid evidence. I do this at times too. It's hard and it feels crummy, so it makes me sad to see someone else being so rough and unfair with themselves.

I'm positive your T is not going to judge you. Maybe he will not respond because he wants you to be able to discuss it in person. It's okay to prepare for negative scenarios and remember they do happen from time to time...as long as you also prepare yourself for the positive ones.

Most phobias sound ridiculous and strange to the average person. Phobias are mostly irrational and may even exist for no good reason in some individuals. I mean there are phobias of spiders, using public restrooms, skin, hair, dirt, germs, water, sun, etc. I'm sure there is someone who has attended therapy for everything I included in that list! lol And there's no problem with it at all, because the fear is real to that individual. Therapists understand this. He will NOT judge you for it.