Well I know why I feel like this and it involves a lot of things mainly relationship issues related or sexuality issues as it is very confusing at times but yea I don't know someone to tell me why I'm like this but knowing my own triggers can and will more then likely be lethal to myself and that is why I don't want to know them I mean I just need someone to open to (but face to face as I do find it better to let the person have a better understanding) I mean I'm like starting to have feeling for my best mate but at the same time I'm very interested in this girl 2 but recently I was starting to fall for this other girl 1 and we went out a few times but she broke ***** up due to her own personal problems but it has caused me a big Downfall in my life as I was staring to really fall for her so yea it hurt me and a little part of me still hurts every day I have had suicidal thoughts, almost actually went ahead and did it the only thing that stop me was a police officer came up to me and asked if I was alright he saw I was upset and I have a lot of respect for police community/force but what that officer did made me think twice and then I walked away from the area I was in till this day I want to know who he is so I can personally thank him but yea and that was a day before being hospitalized and it's extremely scary going to hospital for suicidal they treat you like you are like a "limited edition item" or "mint condition toy or something" they monitor literally everything you have to ask to like go outside or toilet every time you go and they just arrrgghh there just....yea and I have a question. ...I got a tecnas shot (really long needle that pokes around in the vien) but I enjoyed it like I found it was a joy full thing to have/get. ..is that weird or ****ed up?

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