Quote:
Originally Posted by 1914sierra
Your T is a big girl and wouldn't have made this offer if it was going to hurt her. Accept that kindness and don't turn it in to yet another stressor/crisis in your life. You have enough real ones in your life already, so don't manufacture another one out of your head when it isn't one in reality. Your T isn't stressed about doing this for you. For some reason, accepting kindness from others makes you want to run, but that would be counterproductive and create more problems. Do what feels counter to your reflexive response right now. Accept the kindness. Deal with the concrete stressors of moving and dental bills. Refuse to turn the kindness of another person into a problem (it really isn't one; it is a blessing). Continue to see your T regularly because moving will naturally be a time of added strain. You can do this. You don't have to talk yourself into a crisis over this. You can make a different choice.
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About the bolder part: Yes, yes it does. It sends me into a panic and makes me want to run as far away as I can manage. It makes me want to distance myself incredibly. And I think it's because I can't stand to owe someone anything. If I owe them, they control my life. They are the ones in charge. And I can't handle that. Every time others have been in charge, it has caused nothing but wounds and pain and resentment from them. Parents, friends, others who I have found myself "owing" in some way or another, has done nothing but hurt me. I want to be in control of my own life. I want to be the master and the boss. I don't want anyone else to take that from me, and this feels like a threat to that. Even though I wouldn't owe her anything on paper, I feel like I would owe her in intangible ways. And then I would be forced to "pay" when she is tired of me or angry and irritated at me. I can't give up that control to someone else ever again, and she is threatening to take it by her gift. That is unbearable.