I feel like if i was in genuine crisis i'd feel better about calling. But a lot of the time i just feel really awful and it helps to speak to her. She said if i feel really crappy to call, but i don't want to become too dependent. And that's a real risk for me i feel.
There's a real push/pull between allowing interdependence (healthy) and being super independent just to prove that i can be (unhealthy) and i just have no middle ground.. or so it feels. I have no idea how to get the balance right.