Hello fellow avoidants!

Excuse me, I'm still wired about finding this website and specifically this forum. It's a big relief to be able to talk about having a personality disorder, openly. That is kind of the reason for this post.

I've had 2 what I would call long term, serious relationships in my life. I have, probably like lots of others, also had several shorter term relationships, flings or whatever you want to call them. In ALL of these relationships I have felt that I have had to hide the fact that I have APD, as well as other mental health issues such as depression and agoraphobia. The reason I have felt this is because in these relationships when the truth came out that I had some or all of these issues, it invariably caused problems.

For example, one girlfriend realised that I was "different". She would say things like, "Why do people avoid you?" "Why don't you have any friends?" "What is wrong with you?". Great, thanks, that really helps...

I tried to hide my depression from my wife. When I did try to discuss it with her she offered no understanding or compassion whatsoever. "Snap out of it", she'd say. Or, "you're like that because you want to be". For this reason I also hid my agoraphobia from her, successfully, for years. When we separated and we were battling in court for child custody she searched through my private papers and found letters I had writted to a counsellor about my agoraphobia. My wife then photocopies the letters and presents them to the judge as "evidence" that I am unable to properly care for my children. I'm not bitter about that; when you go to family court it's like going to war; all's fair, but it's another example of why I have thought it's best to hide mental illness.

Thinking about moving on now and finding someone else. I've read a few "guides" on the internet about internet dating. One of the things people say to look out for is if your online date has no friends or seems aloof. That would be me ruled out straight away! And what do you say when an online date asks you how your weekend was and what did you do etc. What do you say, "Nothing - I avoid most activities because I have APD"?!

I guess my question is whether there are avoidants in happy and successful relationships? Gut feeling says there must be some, but right now I don't really see how I could ever be in one. I guess the answer lies in finding someone who accepts you for who you are... Maybe there should be online dating just for avoidants.