But this^ is the rub, isn't it? What exactly is "need" and all the fears surrounding that determination. I sense that you fear your need is bottomless and so struggle with giving in to it. As though it will grow in response? And maybe overwhelm you both? Or that needs are unrecognizable, so you can't trust yourself to know when they're real?

I didn't struggle with much of the push/pull stuff. But there were occasions when my T would ask if I needed ____. And I'd be paralyzed by the question because I didn't know how to perceive something as a need. What does "need" mean? How would I know? "Need" implied all sorts of knowledge and ability to discriminate to me that I just couldn't make sense of. He learned to rephrase his questions to "if I wanted ____" while we worked on understanding needs. He told me that when children's needs go unnoticed or unfulfilled persistently, they respond by suppressing their needs to the extent that they don't learn to recognize them and that creates anxiety.