Hi MH, it sounds like you've had a lot to cope with lately and are struggling to "make sense" of things?
As for the sharing things with people so easily do you think that maybe you're grasping onto "connections" when a lot of the rest of what's going on for you seems a bit uncertain, isolating? Maybe you're feeling vulnerable, alone, silenced and needing to let things out or to pull someone who might be.....closer?
And you know, it is really good that you've felt that you could tell people so much in a way. But you are right, that it's maybe too much, too soon, and obviously sometimes with the wrong people. Then you have identified that, so that's a big step towards changing it!!
If you can monitor a little more what you feel would be "appropriate" to share with who and focus on self monitoring that when you're actually about to talk to people? It might seem a little strange at first/a bit distancing but the more you're doing it........And maybe compare what they are telling you about themselves with what you're going to say to them too?? Make sure there's a bit of a balance of information sharing?
And just remember you should just have to be you for people to like you, for connections to form. You don't have to go "full steam" ahead to build those connections/to share. That can all come gradually as the friendships build/real trust takes place, and that way they are going to be that much stronger.
As for the guy on the internet though- well you already know the risks behind that don't you? I know that they can kind of fade into the background when.........it does happen a lot. But at least now you're in a better position to protect yourself from anything like that and you're going to be more clued up on the signs when it comes to other people, as painful as I'm sure it was. Reading into it though you might want to talk a bit more about it and how it effected you to someone you can trust though, do you think?
And I can understand you feeling depressed after the "transgendered person" didn't want to be your friend, afterall you maybe felt that you had linked in with someone in the same position as you, someone you thought would understand you?? and you had let out a lot of things that you wouldn't as freely tell someone else? Maybe felt you could trust them?
But, maybe try not to see it so much as personal? Them not wanting to be your friend says as much about them as about you. Maybe they felt that you both didn't really have as much in common/much that gelled. Now that doesn't make you "less", that just makes you both different. And there's nothing at all wrong with being "too" different than someone else to have a real friendship with, because there will be other people you do have more of a connection with who will really like you for who you just the way you are. And they will be much more important in your life than you thought this person would be.
It does sound like the depression afterwards kind of spiraled though and maybe I'd be telling you to discuss it with a doctor (maybe not......?) but the main thing is.........you know I really would say you should discuss the voices you've been hearing with a doctor.
May not turn out to be anything major depending on where they're coming from, how they're appearing, but I'd really say that it's not worth the risk of leaving them unchecked. And at the same time you could be discussing some of the other feelings of depression (?), slight disassociating (?).............with them too. It really is your well-being that matters above anything else, so whatever it takes that's got to be a priority. Time to put yourself first, and "leave no stone unturned"!!
Alison