Quote:
Originally Posted by Asiablue
I feel like if i was in genuine crisis i'd feel better about calling. But a lot of the time i just feel really awful and it helps to speak to her. She said if i feel really crappy to call, but i don't want to become too dependent. And that's a real risk for me i feel.
There's a real push/pull between allowing interdependence (healthy) and being super independent just to prove that i can be (unhealthy) and i just have no middle ground.. or so it feels. I have no idea how to get the balance right.
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Hey you know how I handle it that's super mature, healthy and helpful? Just 'cause I like you Asia, I'll let you in on it:
So what I do is I create a vivid internal dialogue where T is unavailable because she doesn't care about me and actually takes sadistic pleasure in my suffering and then I decide well screw her, I'm not giving her the satisfaction of having me contact her between sessions and ask for help! I'm one step ahead of her because she doesn't get to disappoint me if I never ask! Haha! The joke is so on her! And she has no idea because she's so naive...
See what I did there? I hate needing her, ergo she's evil! Clever, right? I really should write a book. Whaddya think of my working title:
The FJ technique: How to outsmart your therapist and get her back for refusing to be your mother (and lose ten pounds in the process!)
This is the stuff of the NYT bestseller list no? Move over Tuesdays with Morrie!