This was exactly my thought when I started to read this thread.

Lately, though, I think of my situation as impaired ability to regulate closeness and distance with people who I develop an attachment with. I suppressed my needs for so long, it took me like 20 years to figure this out. Also, I never got this closely attached to women, so before therapy, romance/relationships were in the mix...

Maybe it's not so much what is needed vs. what is wanted in my case; maybe it's more like being anxious vs. not anxious. Balance (as you mentioned) would be nice.

Unfortunately, as I recently realized, even if this levels out with one therapist/relationship, it can start right over again. Depending on the other person too, of course.