I started kindergarten at age 6 (essentially held back a year in pre-school; apparently I didn't socialize with the other kids). It has been a source of extreme insecurity for me. People tell me that I'm smart, but I think "how can I be all that intelligent if I was held back"?! In high school, I was very academically successful, but I couldn't really celebrate those victories. Was my success the result of me being smart, hard working, and capable, or simply due to the fact that I had an advantage over the other kids because I was older?

I highly recommend you not make your son repeat second grade. It will affect his self-esteem and the way he views himself for the rest of his life. People with ADHD already tend to view themselves as unintelligent, simply because our brains work differently. My brother, a very smart kid, also has ADHD; like me, he has struggled with feeling like he is stupid or thinking that others think he is stupid. And he wasn't even held back!

It sounds like, based on testing, your son is ready for the 3rd grade. I get the sense that this teacher doesn't like him very much, and is letting this impression cloud her judgment of what is actually best for your son.