That sounds extremely difficult and painful. I didn't realize that disability payments were so small; I live in a pretty affordable city, and rent alone on many apartments is $770!

Have you considered getting an electric blanket? I have one (my apartment can be very cold because my landlord controls the thermostat and pays the utilities and he doesn't want to pay anymore than he has to), and it makes a big difference.

Would you lose your license if you got any mental health care at all, or only if you took psychiatric medication? Many people see therapists and counselors for issues unrelated to a serious mental illness, so I would think that merely seeing a therapist wouldn't get you in too much trouble.

Also, continue to post here. Social support is so important to mental health, and we're here for you. If you feel strong enough, consider self-help books for depression. I can't guarantee that they'll be effective, but anything that might get you out of this hole is worth a shot. Also, there are over-the-counter herbal "remedies" that can help mild depression; St. John's Wort is the one that comes to mind. Your depression sounds pretty severe, but maybe it would still be worth trying?

Please don't give up hope. You are here for a reason; you have a purpose. You are a child of the universe, same as the trees and the stars. Everything is bleak now, but things will improve, if you just continue to live.