I can understand your situation with a close personal touch myself, and I too have recently been in this... I am in a long distance matter myself so I can understand the strains this could take on your own self because it has a lot of uncertianity, and there can be times when it hurts as a result of something happening (or not happening) it can affect more because you could feel helpless in trying to find a plausable means to resolve it with the one you consider your significant other.

Following your heart does mean opening yourself up and making yourself vulnerable, but it is also the key to overcoming the numb feeling you say that you are experiencing within yourself. It is perhaps one of the most fearful feelings someone who has been in this place can experience and it is okay to be cautious... just as long as you keep in mind and try to make efforts not to re-bury yourself. I am learning this even still, everything I was doing with caring for my children always came across as duty, and even in my depressions it would come that I would have this same doubt come into my head, but this is what I discovered after some relfection as to what exactly was going on in front of me with my family & the behaviors -- That sense of 'duty' had to come from somewhere, because at least for me it was a sense of loyalty and a want to see them taken care of. Love is way overused in the world as another poster had said, but there are many different types of love & it's not all the fairy tale type that is set at the worlds standards. Everyone loves differently & experiences love differently. It is a long road to finding yourself again, and you will get there sometime or maybe a place better... Keep positive thoughts in your head, sometimes we need to go through the motions until something sticks that makes you feel like yourself again. You seem to have family that does love you, and the fact you mention your niece tells me that you do care, perhaps its the fear of everything else? And that is okay. We are always going to be here to listen.

Thank you for having the courage to share.