I am so nervous to talk to T in a few hours. I guess I feel unsettled because yesterday she was seeing me as this little victim who was hurt by all the adults in her life, and I've just never seen myself that way - I've always seen myself as autonomous, in control, pulling all the strings...and I guess her seeing me as this kid who was struggling so hard but was still doing her best is really...new...to me.

And it makes me worry that I maybe misrepresented things to her, or exaggerated (even though I know I didn't) or left out important details, or maybe it's just because she has never seen me in anxiety mode and thus doesn't understand how it might be scary for other people and potentially warrant the kind of treatment I received...I guess I've just described everyone in my world, parents, teachers, social workers, old T, and so on, as letting me down...but part of me feels like that isn't right, that I let THEM down, not the other way around, and T seeing me as a victim feels nice, but also disconcerting and untrue.