I think I get what you are saying (maybe?), and I want to let you know it is okay to fall apart sometimes...really, it is....and it is ok to cry (I do that a lot)....locking it inside just makes you feel worse. In the words of my dear psych prof " I have a feeling you are a lot like me, having to do everything yourself, and never asking for help. No one expects you to be strong all the time, except for you." Wow, I got super lucky when I signed up for her class....actually, I saw a lot of myself in her, both of us being 'tough farm girls'; funny I have found that a lot more endearing since I have gotten to know her What I am saying is, you don't have to do it all on your own. Try and find a safe supportive person.

I am sure you know your BF is not it. I am sorry you are treated that way. Hang in there.