I'm 50 and my dad, 72 died last Sunday. Dad was estranged from the family for 15 years.

He never divorced mom (she still thought he'd come home) but i found out he was terminally ill through his current girlfriend who messaged me on facebook.

I immediately made plans to be with him and sat by his bedside for three days before he passed. I felt it was the right thing to do.

Growing up, Dad was a violent sociopath and alcoholic. Being the oldest, I was the target of his anger and beatings. I moved out at 19, met a great guy when i was in my 20's and was so glad not to be connected with my family name anymore.

Dad was always different to the "outside" and people always found him charming and so much fun.

His recent death still has me "covering" for him as i'm flooded with messages from outsiders on "what a great guy" he was. Everyone remembers him fondly--except my siblings and I.

How do i graciously handle all the kind-but misguided thoughts--when the person i know was so miserable?!