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Old Apr 05, 2014, 03:46 PM
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ScarletPimpernel ScarletPimpernel is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: US
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Quote:
Originally Posted by unlockingsanity View Post
I think this is where there is so much room for interpretation.

My T doesn't get in my space and say "You have to do X" or "We've talked about a million times", but I would never say he responded with "fluff" or that our relationship was based on "fluff".

Just because your T isn't "pushing" you or showing you "tough love", it doesn't mean that it's not a healthy, positive relationship that fosters change. Honesty doesn't have to equal something that is negative.

Everyone needs something a little different.

I thought I was the type of person who needed someone to push her to do things, push her to talk about certain issues....but that type of therapuetic relationship fostered a more chaotic life.

If you're only changing because someone is pushing you, guilting you, or making you feel like you don't have a choice, that isn't change. That's manipulation. To me, the article wasn't about tough love (which I'd consider to be honesty within a supportive relationship, absent of the treat of termination because you're not changing), but about a therapist's own frustration with a certain type of clientele.

True change should happen because you WANT it to and it's your decision. Telling a client that they need to stop therapy until their ready to do the work doesn't equal creating a safe place where you want to change.

That's why I don't think this is a practice that could be blanketed over everyone (like any approach).
I do agree with you. I was merely saying how I prefer honesty over anything. But that doesn't mean I don't like being comforted. My T does both. When I'm really upset, she doesn't make me feel bad or tell me get over it. She lowers her voice, talks slowly, maybe puts her hand on my knee, supports me.

Just "tough love" isn't always a bad thing. A T wouldn't be doing their job if all they did for your entire relationship was stroke your ego. But then again...there are many different T's out there. I had one that loved to stroke her own ego...lol.
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