Wow kimbosquee, what you describe is like looking into a mirror for me! It's such an accurate description of me too. I'm turning 25 this year, and I've had a pretty weird and lonely life. It was only last week actually that I was diagnosed with Asperges, but I actually went to a psychologist to help me with my severe depression, and then he suggested it. I too was extremely obsessed with stuff in phases when I was a kid, mine was also mountains, but also road signs, bank notes, maps, fish and sharks, and since about 10 years ago, I've been obsessed with satellite dishes and satellite television. Everywhere I go I look at roofs and walls to see what type of antennas people have put up, the brands, the shapes, colours, cables, it's so abnormal! I've spent years on the internet and in libraries looking up info about these topics over the years, and I tell professionals and experts about stuff in their own field they didn't even know about. My room at home is filled with about 20,000 pages of information, books, files, boxes on my obsessions, I throw nothing away, ever. Up until about 3-4 years ago, my satellite TV obsession became really weird, as I found a fascination about the TV channels that were on years ago in the 90's and 80's. I'm an extremely technical person, so for me, it's all about the frequencies, and which satellites, where in the sky, etc. I have literally scoured the globe for information on this, which is really hard considering how this old stuff disappears off the internet after a few years. But, I managed it. But, the weirdest thing for me, is once I get what I want (I have mastered all there is to know about my obsession), I don't pay any attention to it anymore, it's totally closed off, I store the information in a rack or file and never look at it again.

I just want to say thanks so much for telling your story, I never thought I would ever encounter someone who would understand. As for the social side of things, it's so true what you say. I too, was a lurker. I hung around outside groups but was never included. I could tell people were laughing behind my back, staring and snickering, I just tried to make as though I never noticed it. I'm a guy and I've never had a girlfriend before. It's not that I don't fall in love, it's just that I feel I would never be able to bring somebody into my life, because of it being so weird. To me, it feels like I would have to justify myself and my stuff the whole time and I just think that person would just leave me after a week out of frustration. How do you "solve" a "puzzle" like me?

The bad part is, for the last three years or so now, I've acquired severe depression because of my loneliness and being so different, and not being able to connect with others. When I was your age (22) I had no indication whatsoever, that things were going to get so bad so quickly. I was different, but I was happy, I didn't care what others thought of me, I never did. And then, out of nowhere, I suddenly just began to feel so lonely, unwanted and worthless as a person. It especially got worse after I fell in love with someone who didn't want me. You see, that's the problem, you can only live "within" yourself for so long and then you get to a point where you have to begin interacting with those around you, and then it becomes really difficult because in my case I failed every single time, for obvious reasons. So, I really hope you can avoid this part of it, because depression is horrible. I've lost all passion for those obsessions, including my satellite TV, and it's just so empty and horrible. You sound like a strong and fairly content person from what I see, so my only comment would be to try and hold onto those things that make you happy and avoid anything from creeping into your life that lowers your quality of life. If you feel like me, I like being the way I am, being "special", seeing things that nobody else could care less about, noticing stuff that nobody else ever does. That made me happy before. I made the mistake of giving up on that to pursue a "normal" life which I now realise would never work for me. But, of course, I was not diagnosed at that point so I didn't know I was "wired" differently. My pursuit of normality cost me everything I held dear, so please don't ever make the same mistake I did.

All the best into your future, and thanks again for sharing. It was a revelation for me!