I can understand your frustration and rage at an illness that can be so unfair. I can understand not wanting to take medication for the rest of your life. But, sometimes choices are hard. I know too many years went by before I was diagnosed. Years full of things that didn't have to be. Please try and really consider all angles. You seem to be a very intelligent person. I hope that you will be able to use this intelligence and not the strong emotions and moods to make your decision whatever it may turn out to be. Good luck. Feel free to PM me should you want someone to talk to. Be safe.