That's what my Grandma used to say, "When it rains, you get wet." I knew the rain was coming again soon. Everything in my life was going kind of okay for a month or two. I was actually feeling a little bit content, still some depression, but not as bad as normal.
Then my bi-polar husband quit taking his meds again. Instant evil from him. Instant chaos, he's constantly angry, everything is my fault. I can do no right. He's out shopping, spending hundred's of dollars every day, drinking, and smoking pot constantly. He seems to be having some dementia or psychosis or something, too. Like he said he had to pull up to the gas pump and get out of his car four times the other day before he pulled up on the side with his gas tank. He also said he is illiterate as in he can still read, but he can't understand what he's read. Scary stuff.
Because of all this I've had to cancel my very few social activities, completely change my behavior, and try to buffer everything for my three children. I feel isolated, scared, and I am crying a lot.
Then, on top of all that, my oldest son, (15) told me he thinks he is gay. What? I didn't see that coming. I've been in shock all week. He's had a girlfriend, and seemed pretty torn up when they broke up. I never would have guessed. I've felt a whole range of emotions over this. I told him I will always love him and stand by him no matter what. But the shock, the depression, the fear and sadness for him. No parent wants that for their child. Besides all that I feel like I have a huge weight on my shoulders with this secret. It's like a ticking time bomb. If his step-father finds out, I'm sure he'll use it as an excuse to kick him out of our home (They don't get along anyway). If his father finds out, he won't be welcome there either. He made it clear to me a long time ago that if any of his children were gay he would disown them.
Yep, when it rains, you get wet, especially when it pours down on you. I know from experience that it is not true to say "Things can't get any worse", because they can. There is just no end. Life seems so unfair. So much pain. So many tears. I am afraid I will make myself sick and there will be no one to take care of my other two children, 9 and 4.
Sigh....