I've posted about this before but am again at a crossroads point and terrified of losing somebody I count on as a friend.

Basically I have a work friend who I've gradually grown closer to over the last couple of years. It's been good for me because it's been so gradual and consistent and apart from a few very brief upsets, my feelings towards her have been constant and positive and I believe that she likes me. I trust her because we talk openly about lots of stuff, including MH issues and she's the only person I feel able to be myself around.

I think what's helped is the rigid environment of work, we ended up sitting near each other by accident so it wasn't something I had any control over and I like the natural unforced way the friendship developed. I have constant anxiety at work which makes communicating quite a struggle sometimes but she's so understanding and easy to talk to that I get through it.

I'd really love to get to know her outside work and we've both hinted at that too. But I'm just terrified that outside of work we may not get on, she might think I'm boring and worst of all, I may end up feeling rejected and having an attack of verbal anger. I've seen the look on people's face before when they see the "other side" of me, the emotional angry fearful side when I fear that somebody's rejecting me. A big part of me wants to keep things as they are and even if things fizzle out or we drift apart / move onto other jobs, that would be better than having another failed attempt at friendship where I feel like I'm to blame for things going wrong.

It's the feeling I'm to blame that hurts the most. I'm tired of destroying the possibility of good friendships because of inappropriate reactions triggered by extreme emotions. I just wish I could switch off the over emotional thoughts and let things flow.

Just wondered if anybody had any similar experiences and if things worked out well or badly and how you coped with the overwhelming fear of rejection (something that's with me constantly when I'm around her and is the main cause of my anxiety). Any advice welcome.