Three days ago I had a softball game against my old school. And in the stands there he was... I am the pitcher and didn't see him at first. But then I threw a bad pitch and I heard his voice say "come on, don't let it pitch like that" and I started to tear up. But I had to keep going. My body would in shock after I knew he was there. So I had trouble playing and I asked coach if I could more to left field. But when I did. HE was on the other side I the fence throwing a baseball around. And the whole time he was making comments about me. An calling me IT.
I am just now able to function again. All the pain e caused me is coming back. All the memories I've suppressed are back. I can physically feel him touch me. But he isn't. I'm so scared. Hearing his voice and seeing him... I just can't handle it. I've SI'ed a lot in these past few days because I don't know what else to do

Please help me!
I have no one else to ask for help.
I need a solution because the only thing I can think of is permanent