Hi Illegal, I'd say that it's really important to remember that YOU are NOT your depression. It can be so easy for you and others to let it define you and to become "lost" under it all, but it is what it is, and you are who you are. I can completely understand if it feels like this is all there is and there's nothing else, but you are there beneath it.
I'm really sorry that no-one seems to have given you the help you need yet. Sometimes it can take a lot of "hanging in there", and perseverance in the face of things until something/someone helps you to start breaking down those walls a little better.
And you know, sometimes that something/someone can be found in the least expected places.
Maybe try to stay open to looking at/trying different things (it may all seem a bit hopeless right now, but hope can come with the smallest of things if you can just grasp onto it and not let go) whether it's one YouTube video out of thousands, whether it's identifying with someone else specifically, whether it's one thing you hear/see in a cacophony which resonates with you it can be the start of something different.
It can be a really long, hard road to feeling better, but as long as you're on it you're giving yourself the chance you deserve to allow yourself to just be you without the depression stifling you.
Alison