Apr 06, 2014 at 09:18 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by FMW546
I'm 50 and my dad, 72 died last Sunday. Dad was estranged from the family for 15 years.
He never divorced mom (she still thought he'd come home) but i found out he was terminally ill through his current girlfriend who messaged me on facebook.
I immediately made plans to be with him and sat by his bedside for three days before he passed. I felt it was the right thing to do.
Growing up, Dad was a violent sociopath and alcoholic. Being the oldest, I was the target of his anger and beatings. I moved out at 19, met a great guy when i was in my 20's and was so glad not to be connected with my family name anymore.
Dad was always different to the "outside" and people always found him charming and so much fun.
His recent death still has me "covering" for him as i'm flooded with messages from outsiders on "what a great guy" he was. Everyone remembers him fondly--except my siblings and I.
How do i graciously handle all the kind-but misguided thoughts--when the person i know was so miserable?!
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I know how you feel....went through almost the identical situation. I posted recently that as I was going through therapy I was going to try and remember 5 things I admired about my dad. It took a long time but over the years my memories are not tearing me up. There were people that approached me from time to time and told me that they always hated the way my father treated me. They did not stand up to him for me at the time...but it meant a lot they at least reached out to say something. May you come to some resolve sooner rather than later. Take care!
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“A person is also mentally weak by the quantity of time he spends to sneak peek into others lives to devalue and degrade the quality of his own life.” Anuj Somany
“Psychotherapy works by going deep into the brain and its neurons and changing their structure by turning on the right genes. The talking cure works by "talking to neurons," and that an effective psychotherapist or psychoanalyst is a "microsurgeon of the mind" who helps patients make needed alterations in neuronal networks.” Norman Doidge
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