Today was such an up and down day today. I took my kids shopping for school and we had so much fun together. But it came time to eat. I promised my kids we would eat at the mall. We ate, went and got a movie then came home. I tried to keep occupied but it would not get out of my mind that I ate a entire meal. Well, it did not stay down. Now I feel terrible; I failed once again. Then I took a whack of laxatives. What the heck am I doing??? I am such a loser, an idiot. I phoned my doc. today, but he is gone until next week tuesday. I have an appointment with him that day. I think I need a time out. I need to deal with all of this; divorce, custody, my mom's illness, my baby's death, my eating disorder, and my want for death. I want to be here, I really do, but right now; death seems to be the answer. But deep down, I know its not. Its the bad guys in my head again, fighting, making me totally confused.
Thanks
Elizabeth