Well im writing this because this is a huge part of my addiction. Im 36 and still live with my parents. I just really hope it helps someone if read.

I feel pretty good today, I mean I went to the store. No meds at all today. I feel pretty dam good. Last night I took 4mg of xanax but I def wont take any today. Im def not abusing the benzos. I took a couple bumps of bupe last night and it only made me paranoid a little. The sick thing is I dont really withdrawl from bupe, ive done it in the past and it was minor, even after a 4 year maitenence program.

Right now I should be content about how I feel but now its getting to the point where I feel I cant do anything without a lil something. Thats the behaviors of addiction. It sucks, I recognize it yet I still yearn for it I know ill get some resonses like you gotta hit rock bottom to really stop. Nope ive been at rock bottom many times. Its just with the bi polar and addiction its difficult when ur moods are all over the place.

Ill check back later...