I won't get better. I know it.

I used to see a T once or twice a week for two years before I was hospitalized for nine months because the depression only worsened. After nine months, the last one and a half of which I spent actively suicidal (three suicide attempts), I was kicked out because "it clearly wasn't working for me" according to them. So I'm in partial hospitalization now, spending each day from 8 to 5 there. I have to stop with that, too, this time voluntarily, because it's too exhausting. So I'll be back to the beginning: seeing a T twice a week and very much depressed.

Where am I supposed to get "hope" or "faith" or "belief" when I've tried everything and even the T's and Pdoc's have given/are giving up on me?