First off, it's important to remember that Ts and Pdocs are also just people and aren't always a good representation of of when to give up and what not. As for the trying everything part, don't worry there are still a lot of options for you in both the holistic approach and the more chemical and therapy approach. And you have to remember than healing, in the end, is built over time inside of you. Often we can't see it, and I know plenty of people who sometimes forget that even though your T is there to help be the facilitator, they cannot take the steps for you. I tend to forget this myself sometimes when I can't see a way forward.

Hope is not something you can get easily unfortunately. But I will say that as long as you are here, there will always be a way forward even when you can't see it. And with this new brain initiative coming out I feel like there will be a lot of progress to be had soon. It may feel like you'll never get better but instead of saying "I won't ever get better" say "I may not feel like I'm getting better today but there is always tomorrow." For if you give up on yourself, how can anyone else convince you there is light in a world you believe is pitch black? I've found the best way for me to keep my own hope alive is to keep dreaming of a brighter tomorrow. There is no guarantee but it really does help open yourself to possibilities that you never thought existed.