Thanks Hopefull. That's good advice. I try to break it down into parts, but I feel like I don't know how. I'm always thinking about all the other parts and wondering if I'm starting in the right place. If I manage to focus on one thing -- like the bedroom -- I end up shifting everything to another room. I feel like Sisyphus. I never get anything accomplished. It just feels endless and overwhelming. I feel like a part of my brain has shut down. I can access that part of my brain at work, but not at home. I talked to my psychiatrist about it while I was on Celexa and she said I needed to RELEARN this skill. I don't understand how that skill was taken away from me, though. It doesn't make sense and I don't know how to RELEARN it. This wave of laziness and feeling overwhelmed washes over me when I come home and I'm just useless. Sometimes, I feel like I need to throw everything away and start over in a new place with minimal possessions.

I feel like it's going to take me SO LONG to get it all cleaned, and I feel like I never have the time to get it done. During the Christmas holidays, I decided not to go anywhere because I was going to use those weeks off to finally get this mess cleaned up. I ended up getting nothing done, though, and just felt like a failure when it was time to go back to work.

My mother suggested that I hire a cleaning service. I would never inflict this disaster on a cleaning person, though. It would be unfair. I would also be mortified by someone else seeing this mess.