I can relate to your story and how you are feeling, good luck to you with finding that closure and peace of mind. I think posting your story and how you feel on this site is a good start. Please don't be like me and keep going back, I've been torturing myself now for 5 years. The longer you continue that destructive path, the harder and much more painful it will be to move on and get that closure your heart and mind so desperately needs.