Your not a junky and its not your fault that you can't work right now. Just the xanax is not working for you. Do you have a psychiatrist or a therapist? Its so hard to remember that your head is telling you something that is wrong. I ended up tattooing 'breathe' to my wrist to help remind me its my head and I have to wait it out. You have to find a way to remind yourself that what you're thinking is untrue. Trust me it wont always work but it helps. My therapist gave me the mantra" slow down, sleep and seroquel" when I'm manic.