I really appreciate everyone elses posts. I dont have anywhere else anybody talks about any of this.

Im sorry because i always feel like i am so negative. I really do try to fight back sometimes. I just mosty fail. Which just makes it worse and loops it. This weekend i fell halfway down my basement stairs. I got very dizzy after standing up too quickly and walking to the backdoor to let the dogs out. I have huge bruises. I just want to stay in bed but instead i have to go to work and smile at everybody and make 100extra trips up and down the hallway.
I know it makes me a horrible pathetic person but maybe if i pass out theyll send me home sick. I must really be a lazy person to wish for that.