So, you are feeling out of control now kind of like that kid way back then. See the connection? Keep working on this in therapy. Yes, it is difficult, but you are NOT that kid anymore and you DO have the ability to work through this now that you didn't have then. It isn't easy. Any of us who have been through this stage can attest to that. But it won't kill you either, and in the long run, you'll finally have some peace with this eventually as those memories start losing their power when they are exposed in the light.