Sometimes out of the blue (well not really out of the blue, but when lots of little stressors are adding up) I have a really DARK few days... The kind where it seems like more of a curse than a blessing that I woke up alive.
My usual days aren't THAT awful. I have bad social anxiety every day because I'm afraid I'll do something to embarrass myself, but on regular days I can usually handle being with familiar people and even go places as long as I'm not expected to interact much with people I don't know.
On the bad days, though, I don't even want my family to see me. My husband said he can tell when I'm having one of those days because I talk slower and stumble over words. I wasn't even aware of that! One more reason to isolate myself in my den times like that...
So my question is whether it's normal for levels of depression to fluctuate, or does that indicate bi-polar disorder?
I have always found joy in things most people take for granted, like the wide variety of trees and their different barks, buds, and leaves. Or the vast array of life-forms that call any one tree home, or at least lunch. And I really love functional ingenuity. I'm not big on flashy things, but show me something that functions simply and efficiently, and I'm in awe of its inventor for getting the job done without showing off. And the interconnectedness of nature thrills me still... Even on all but the darkest days.
Does this mean I'm bi-polar?

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