Yeah, I have no idea how you 'win' that kind of argument. It sounds like he isn't taking any ownership of his own faults, one of which seems to be a failure to accept reality. It's nice that he wants you to be neater (or fill in the blank - it doesn't matter what your 'flaw' is), but you aren't. To tell you that it isn't good enough for you to clean the house 'for him' is just ridiculous, imo. He says he wants a clean house, you give it to him, and he claims that it doesn't count because you did it for the wrong reasons?

What is it that he really wants? For you to be a different person? For you to feel lousy?

I can't remember if you are seeing a therapist on your own as well, but maybe they would have some ideas about how to defend yourself appropriately.

What is he doing to make you happy? Has he acknowledged any of his own flaws or is this all on you?