My brother died by suicide yesterday (Friday).

He had schizophrenia, and spent the last two years in jail for something that he did while he was having trouble with his meds and couldn't get help when he asked. He was always pretty impulsive, as if he didn't connect actions and consequences. They never gave him a trial. Recently they moved him from the jail to a couple of other places, the last being for evaluation preparatory to permanent placement at a hospital or a developmental center. He had hoped to be able to go home, but there really was never a chance of that. He had meds, and sometimes they helped, but sometimes the meds were the problem too. As far as I know, he never got any treatment besides meds, and sometimes his meds were denied him too.

He was always just a weird kid. When I lived at home ( I left when he was about 10 or 11) I really didn't like him. He was so annoying. Later on, in the years before he went to jail, I had broken off almost all contact with my family and he started exchanging email with me. I miss that. He was my main connection to the family during that time. He wasn't allowed to send email in jail.

I'm mad that he didn't get much of a chance to have a semi-normal life. He was smart, and sometimes funny, and he had some interests that he could have done well with if he had gotten the chance. I wish that I could have done more to help.

Rap