I've been working my way up to making this post for sometime. I took a practice swing in the "Things I need to tell my T" thread and I got some hugs. But I didn't go into a lot of detail, which is where I'm guessing the confusion comes from.

Growing up I developed a fascination with having bowel movements in places that are not necessarily appropriate. As a child I had a problem with withholding and somewhere along the line that turned into a fascination with pushing it out.

My family separated at one point and I lived with my mother. The obsession seemed to flourish at this point, especially when she had to work two jobs in order to pay child support for my four younger siblings, who were living with their father. This lead to me eventually earning the right to be on my own at home as I was entering my early teens.

Basically, I either went for a walk and tried to find a place outside and away from others to poop, or I would stay at home and deliberately poop in my briefs.

Please also understand that I never played with it. I got cleaned up as soon as I could and I threw out the briefs. But the act of defecting in my underwear was something I grew to want to do more. If my mother ever caught on she never said anything. Maybe she didn't read into my suddenly not having any briefs. Maybe she figured what was going on below the belt was none of her business. Maybe she figured it wasn't the worst thing I could be doing on my own at home, so long as she never found any evidence of it. More than likely I was just good enough about hiding it that she never ever found out, but I digress.

But the compulsion grew, Eventually I started making my own money. Doing odd jobs for neighbors and baby-sitting for my cousins and the friends of my mother and I began purchasing adult diapers. Again, my mother never seemed to catch on to this. But experimenting with the diapers eventually lead to me getting bold enough to soil and wet myself in public.

I don't want to get into a lot of details about certain specific instances, because they will raise questions. As an adult I still find the need to wear a diaper so I can urinate whenever I want to, but I haven't deliberately soiled myself in almost two years. In those instances when I did have a bowel movement in my diaper, in the library or at the mall, or some other public place, I was always careful to never be around children or never in a place where people were eating.

It's taken me a couple weeks to work up the courage to post this here. It amazes me how open minded people are about certain things and yet when you mention anything toilet related they're out of there like the last napkin at an all you can eat barbecue.

I know there are other people on this forum with their own toilet related issues and some have been brave enough to mention them. These are mine.