I first got delusional at 11 or 12. Around 16, I started reading a lot about psychology. I came across Capgras syndrome, the delusion that someone has replaced someone in your life with an imposter. When I was 11, I believed that dark spirits in my basement had kidnapped my dad and replaced him with a robot. I tried hard not to think about it, thinking that maybe if I ignored it, I would never experience symptoms like those again.

My misguided beliefs/delusions (not sure which) throughout high school were not as bizarre, so they went undetected. I thought that I was subhuman, that everyone was judging me, that I was really stupid (despite having straight As). When I was diagnosed with bipolar at age 19, I realized that my beliefs when I was 11 and 12 were just that, delusions. But I still didn't recognize the subtler stuff in high school as being potentially psychotic, even though they had caused me more pain over time.

At 21, I began having strange delusions again, thinking I could talk to dead people and inanimate objects, that I was a powerful demon, that I could do magic, stuff like that. I am just now recognizing that stuff as a delusion, and sometimes I still think I have superpowers. Thinking I'm a demon makes me feel powerful; thinking I'm ill makes me feel weak.

The thing about delusions is that it is almost impossible while in one to know you're delusional, even if you recognize you've been psychotic in the past. I've had very short-lived paranoid delusions (thinking that the guy sitting next to me at Starbucks had put a date rape drug in my coffee-about 20 minutes after he left, I realized that I was probably safe and proceeded to drink the rest of my cold gingerbread latte); though I was able to see clearly within an hour of the delusion starting, while I was under its influence, I believed it and didn't even think it was strange.

I'm glad that you find comfort in knowing that you're not really Persephone. This illness is manageable, and you can live a full life!