I'm staying single for as long as I need to and as much as possible to enjoy it. I'm really happy not worrying. Playing xbox making music, being with friends as just me. I've learned now, that infatuation is hard to avoid for me even though it never happens. It's extremely rare and I never really fall for anyone. I don't let my vulnerabilities show, because most and all females I've met prefer to be looking available to other guys, aren't interested, because they only care bout the superficial ******** and don't understand what love is.
I'm bout a year and a half single, heading for 2 years then my goal is for 5 years. If other people want to play games with me, I already walked away and not ever leaving a response. Most girls prefer all or nothing, they want a prince charming marriage and this fake perfect world. I don't want to be apart of that crap. I don't care for it, I get anxiety bout girls wanting pet names and stupid stuff that aren't even the reason or point of doing those things. I hate dating dishonest people, I don't only mean infidelity. They don't care bout themselves to be a good person to others, the people they like to seem close to or are close to are the ones they want to hurt the most.
I prefer to be single, because I want everyone to go away with that crap. I wanted to be poly, because I feel that's what's best for me, but people want this mono stuff, I respect people the who do and know it's right for them, but I don't respect people wanting to change me for being poly. I want to be myself and no one else should make me do anything I tell any girl I don't care how good she looks or how popular or whatever. I prefer to tell her no get out of my life, because I want to be myself. I'm poly, I wanted a triad one two girls, because I feel that overdoing it with having a lot of people is too much for me to keep track and not my brain being overloaded with a bunch of people in a house.
People don't understand it, bout poly or me personally, I am trans, but not a pre op or had any surgery. I'm ok being a guy, but I wanted to be a woman for the longest time. I don't want to spend the money for something won't be perfect to the real thing. I don't want to date people, because girls I've been exposed to only everywhere I go, only care bout being smothered in gifts, pet names, marriage ceremonies, or other things. I feel like when it comes to the deep down true emotions of loving someone doesn't exist, because people get the whole thing perverted to benefit the one person who cares the least.
I find it sad, that I have to not care, to get anything to work. I can't tell a girl how I feel, I'm not an idiot to talk to a girl who has no interest. Despite how people say "well you should say how you feel, " I know I've done this before, I told how I felt many times to different people. Always the answer is no, because I looked to interested. I have ignore and pretend to be an asshole. I find it completely unattractive, that women prefer to be treated like **** with their idea of a sexy guy despite wanting something else they know is good for them emotionally. I have a female brain, why I am the trans thing all together. I've been around women all the time. Most of my friends are female. I don't disrespect or say anything horrible. I don't agree with woman victimization and feel that one person is superior over the other. I don't think a woman is any different than a man. If anyone tells me I'm wrong, there probably is some good points, but truth is it's not what I see every day. Girls act more like dudes, they prefer to be the one not caring prefer to be the person to feel like they have the power to look beautiful and available at the same time, being what I call a *****, is a person not a woman a man can be like this too is someone who uses their identity as a form of manipulation to benefit themselves only and unfortunately cause harm to others without caring bout the consequences of their actions.
It's relieving for me to be single, but at the same time I'm not lonely because I can't get a girlfriend who isn't an asshole, abusive, or just plain ignorant. It's because it's not possible in this country or in this day and age. People don't understand how to be vulnerable and that fact alone is what makes me lonely. I don't have a shoulder to cry on a person to feel close to nothing. All I get is cheap hookups, fake people, and this all or nothing crap. I never wanted marriage because I'm not going to be like my parents their miserable, because they only care bout money no love no intimacy. I hate it all the arguing and the fact this is what love is. People yelling fighting breaking up and then trying to say I'm sorry and making false promises. I don't care to be in anything, because people are too immature to do anything. So I just am happy that I have a body that works. I am just happy that someone isn't breathing down my neck.
The thing is I don't care what some girls think, if I'm an asshole in person or not. I'll tell them straight up I'm not afraid of anyone. It makes me so mad most girls don't know ****, bout love or relationships and the ones who do are in my position. The thing is, I wanted a lesbian relationship being a petite pale redhead girl. I'm 20 now, I don't care if I die single, because it's not a big deal. Sadly it's not a big deal to anyone else. That's why everyone isn't happily married and a few are. The last thing was why I don't want a relationship. I want to be respected, as I'm very sexually daring person. I enjoy it a lot and I like to be respectful of other people with their consent, sexual identity and everything. I put the other person first because it's the right thing to do. I find it sad, that a lot of guys, but not all are so desperate to get laid at times. That they get exploited by some women who know they have them on the lease.
It's one reason some girls get mad at me, because I'm not slobbering all over their nudes and always I tell them no I don't want em, because if I want the pleasure sexually from the girl instead of nudes I prefer having sex. It's sad, that girls like to play these games, I'm not asking for sex in many situations and they are like expecting me to be like every other guy. It's so ****ed up. I can't even make this **** up it's happened so many times not to me but a lot of people. I don't want to date mono people and I don't want to date a girl who expects me to change and pretends to be poly, but secretly a mono person. I find that a form of infidelity. I've been very faithful in every relationship never cheated, and if I felt I was in the wrong or dishonest I would tell my partner.
What makes me sad, I learned to stop dating girls that aren't compatible. I don't want to date anyone, because no girl I think is attractive, and I use attractive loosely. They don't understand I am trans deep down, they don't understand I would love to be in an poly closed/open relationship. Like I want to date and have a serious relationship with two girls, but I would like to be sexually free with them and I can have sex with whoever I want and they can too. The only rule is we are dating as a triad we as in me and the two girls are the couple. I don't ever meet anyone who understands that and understands that I don't care for the silly games, the marriage parade crap, I don't care because it doesn't work for me and I don't need a ring to signify anything. I know I want a relationship based on the love of being mutually together in the relationship as true friends. I don't want it for anything else and if you go around to any girl feeling like this and opening up bout wanting something real they run away like men do. So I don't believe all the time that when a girl says, "all guys leave me. I never did anything wrong" at face value because I know in my case many girls who say that do it as much or even more than the guys they go for. So they can go **** off. I can get more important things done in my life for me. Sorry this took a lot for me to say this, because I am afraid of females thinking. I'm disrespectful to all women which is highly untrue. I don't respect humans, guys and girls who treat anyone like crap. It truly takes a lot for me to admit this please respect this.