This session we didn't run out of time and I got to at least talk about everything that went on since I last saw him.

I told him about the transference "attack" I had after seeing him last week, and he told me that was probably from the feelings that got stirred up after talking about my mother and the introject last session. I experienced immense sadness after session last week, feeling like he didn't want to be connected to me. I was actually crying in the store I shopped at after session, couldn't hold back my tears, and it felt like I was going to cry for 10 years. He told me as children, it feels like emotional states this strong are going to last forever and never end. I was also brave and told him how the immense sadness turned into my experiencing him as manipulative and sadistic. I told him that I actually had thoughts that he only treated patients who were 'borderline' so that he could make us suffer. (it sounds ridiculous now, but at the time, I actually had those thoughts.) We talked about how that was the experience with my mom. Of course I told him I knew he wasn't like that at all, but the transference was so strong....That wave of sadness was huge...

I told him I was getting really attached to him and had almost intolerable anxiety/obsessiveness about him during 2 nights last week. It's the distance between us. He said I want him to care about me more, but that we work really good together, so we can talk about it and make sense of everything so it will get more and more under control as time goes on....

He seems so incredibly strong to me. I told him why-he doesn't rage or react, etc. He told me it probably seems that way because he has been showing me that he can tolerate my intense emotions, unlike my mom who was mean to me, who rejected me or abandoned me. That made so much sense to me; I always wondered why I felt that about him. I told him my worries about scaring him away with my feelings about him, and he reassured me he was perfectly comfortable with me and my emotions and all the (crazy) transference feelings and attachment feelings.

Anyway, I feel so much better. There's nothing exciting here, but I wanted to share because it just feels really good.

I just realized-I forgot to ask him about giving me a transitional object. Hopefully i'll remember next time.