So you all know I have an amazing T. I like her mostly because she is so wonderfully human. She is wise and funny and has a lot of insight. She is warm and empathetic but also straight forward. (Well, sometimes I have to remind her that she still can be straight forward even with my health situation).
She is also moody sometimes, impulsive, a tiny bit forgetful and a wise-*** like me sometimes :-)
I really like her beautiful imperfection.
We see each other two or three times a week at the moment, mostly because my time is running out, no so much because I need her so often.
Today in session I was a little moody myself. I snapped a little when she was so sweet to me and told her that I am not a helpless baby chicken.
Her response to that hit me off guard:
"Amelia, I know you are strong. I know you are brave and I know you don't want any pity. I know you are determined to convince yourself and the world and me right here that you can do this all and that you're fine. But you're not. Let's look at the reality here. You don't have much time left. That is the reality. We both know it! I am talking to your doctors many times a week, I have asked every question possible to find out if there is a chance. Medically there is none. It is hard to accept that reality but it is and will stay a reality unless God has a different plan for you. So why don't we concentrate on the reality at hand and leave the past be for now? What I wish for you is that we can work out a practical plan on how the next few weeks can work, I want to be here when you grieve and when you are sad... " And she went on about my options and all that blahblah and I sat there thinking this was not at all what I wanted to hear! I thought, how dare she tell me what is important right now? And how dare she speak out loud what she knows I don't want to hear? I was so furious, I wanted the session to end right there and then.
I felt I was getting tearful with anger at her and she asked me if I would like her to hold my hand or if I would like a hug. I snapped at her, saying NO in my sharpest voice. I felt like I had a broken heart. Like she had betrayed me somehow.

Later, a few hours after the session, my anger subsided and I realized that she was actually right. Every word she said was true and I needed someone to tell me straight and in brutal honesty what the reality is right now. And when I realized how spot on her response was, I suddenly started to feel - for the first time - real grief and real sadness and I broke down in tears. And now I feel so grateful for her honesty and once again her tough love but most of all for trusting me that she could be this honest with me and not cause a huge rupture. In her way she showed me I still was strong as I believe she wouldn't have allowed herself to become so strict and straight forward if she believed I couldn't handle it.
I believe more and more now in therapists who know their clients well enough to make a judgment on what they can really handle. And I am glad I got one of those.