One of my oldest and closest friends is in the begining stages of planning her wedding. It is a super exciting time for her and I'm very happy for both of them. We were having lunch yesterday and she mentioned (not formally asked) that she is planning for me to be in the wedding party. I told her that while I would really be honored to be a part of the wedding, I would feel more comfortable having a more "behind-the-scenes" role. She knows all about the struggles I have with anxiety and said she totally understood and would not take it personally. Ever since, though, I have felt really bad about it. This is a situation where, although I don't want my anxiety to control me, I know myself enough to know that I will be so anxious about the being in front of people and all that, that I won't even be able to enjoy her wedding. For my own wedding, I had just family and close friends because I just do not like to be up in front of people like that (what if I faint? throw up? go crazy? you know...) Also, I was in another close friend's wedding last fall and I was scared to death and had a major panic attack the entire time- and I even had my husband up there with me for that one!!! And this one is going to have 300+ guests!!!!

I guess what I'm trying to say is- where do we draw the line between making decisions bases on our own comfort levels and letting our anxiety get the better of us? Is it healthy for me to know what I feel comfortable doing/not doing and being able to say "No" or is it just letting anxiety control me and being a wuss? Not to mention, is this rude- to decline being in a wedding party?

Thanks in advance for any responses!