(Sorry it's so long)
I often find myself feeling unbearably lonely, which I always found weird because, although I'm not popular or social and have been through some harsh rejection, I do have a few good friends.

Then I realised I felt so lonely because I was hiding the real me inside, far away from the 'me' everyone knows that has fun and talks with my friends. On the outside, I'm nearly a perfect honour student - intellegent, listens to teachers, and if you want to find me chances are I'll be in the library studying. But who I am when no-one's looking is completely different.I have all these dirty secrets that I do so much to hide. It's almost like I'm completely covered by this mask or facade when I interact with others, while the real me is kept back in the dark. No wonder I feel lonely.
(I hope all that made sense)

Anyway, I need to open up and tell someone about those secrets. Then I could work with that person and slowly accept who I really am. There's other reasons too, but basically I just know I REALLY need to. The problem is that breaking the image everyone has of me would give them a major shock and I'd end up getting seriously rejected. I have this one friend I've learned to trust, but just thinking of telling her makes me so scared it's literally paralyzing. There's no way I could tell anyone. Seriously no way. But I know that I really need to.

So I could use some encouragement or advice on how to tell her and get my secrets out. Please don't say "just do it! " or something along those lines. I've always been useless at showing my emotion or how I really feel about something, so trusting someone else with something like this is HUGE for me. I can't even bear telling you guys, despite that you aren't going to judge and have no idea who I actually am. And, as I said earlier, just thinking about telling her is terrifying. Please. This loneliness is ruining my life. I need some help here.