Hi Coffeeisgood. I read your post, and have a few things to comment. You might or might not like what I have to say. It concerns me that these books that you read recommend that you talk about the other person. And it does not surprise me that your bf feels annoyed. I experience this with certain other people who seem to try to focus on me for their conversation notions by their choice of topics or interrogations (which result in non-conversations). These people must have read the same books that you read. I personally do not like someone else to try to focus the interaction on me, about topics that I find either personal or none of their business or just not comfortable, etc. It is a non-conversation when someone else keeps trying to select what they want you to talk about. And when this happens, I find myself usually wanting to escape from the person. For example - there's an acquaintance who invites me for dinner on a Friday evening. So I show up, with the hope of having an enjoyable evening. But, instead, the acquaintance starts asking me about my "work". Basically, on a Friday evening, I would prefer to "leave work at work" (and put it out of my mind during my time off work). So this is how the evening goes. With the acquaintance interrogating me about various work topics (or about any other aspect of my life that he/she can think of) - and frankly these are not how I prefer to spend my Friday evening. It goes on like this, to the point that I feel like this person is expecting me to entertain him/her with my personal life. And I do not believe that it is my responsibility to entertain this person with my personal life. And if I do answer the questions, then the other person's responses are insensitive, as he/she carries on with more interrogation according to whatever they're decided to switch the topic to (as if he/she didn't "get it" when I answered). And for me to introduce different topics (that would seem to me to be more interesting) - the acquaintance doesn't have much to say. The whole things gets annoying and irritating - to the point that I keep almost deciding to not return, because it's unpleasant and becomes meaningless. Perhaps it would be more beneficial for you and whomever to have conversations about topics that you both find important or comfortable.