"What is this about? Fear of intimacy. I haven't managed to explicitly tell him that I'm starting to feel vulnerable and attached to him. But I have managed to say (in a slightly abstract way) that I'm afraid of intimacy in general and I really hate feeling vulnerable and attached."

Alex, this is a huge step! Even abstract utterance is truly a beginning as you are expressing, vocally, or at least, outwardly to him that you are feeling this. bringing this forward is a massive indication that you are taking some safe risks here. Congrats on that my friend.

"And it was safer than talking about my Dad. And it is fresher somehow and as such it is easier for me to feel wound up / hurt about it. And I'm having trouble with the balance between feeling and getting lost again. And I figure the getting lost is becoming something of a defence."

Yea, the balance, I see this in your posts, your teetering one way or another. Sometimes really open and then a fast withdrawal. It's ok, and actually imo, I see progression in that. (I do it too) But I think yea, you are still putting it out there even just here, so the notion is releasing itsel from your brain and making its way to your fingertips and you are sharing. Now, how to make it out of the lips.....in therapy......I bet your t "sees" this defense mechanism, I bet he uses it with you too. Because, from what I can tell, he sounds very in tune to your needs and where you're coming from and what support you need at what time etc.

"Maybe I could tell him that by email."

Yes! Do it before the urge to tell leaves you.....no harm in saying this through email, it'll help him know "where" your head is at. Yep, this tool works for me, really well, because away from therapy I'm bursting with things/emotions/feelings to convey and when I get there.......it dissolves.......or retreats.....defense? Maybe. But if I don't send it out when the urge is there, she may never know I felt it and I bury that. I say, do it, even if it's a sentence or two. Alex you are so articulate with words.....use this tool and it will serve you.

((((((((((((((((((((alex)))))))))))))))))))))))))))