I'm seeing him Thursday but then he has two weeks off because of Easter vacation. And my ex will be here during this period. For at least 3 weeks. I won't harm myself; I just wish I would stop breathing in my sleep so the pain would end. I know I'm capable of deep love and devotion and I thought I was the luckiest woman on earth to have found such a loving, sensitive and compatible man (because we were compatible in every little thing). I think he couldn't handle taking in one step forward, into real life, having an equal and creative partnership. And all this time, I thought I was the immature one who couldn't be in a mature relationship, and his was the one who always waited till I'm ready. The picture I had in my mind was so distorted that I cannot comprehend or accept what happened. It was the biggest shock out of nowhere. Your posts help me a lot, even though I am not ready to process things at all nor accept how weak and manipulative (no matter the motives) he turned out to be. Right before we parted, he told me he wished he had married me before leaving. And 2.5 weeks later, he did this.