I don’t want to care…

Last time my T said that she is amazed (I think it was a different word but with a very similar meaning) that I care so much about the therapy, that I work so hard, I do whatever I can do to change blah blah blah…

And my immediate response was something like: “noooo, it’s not that I care, I don’t care but I do want I am supposed to do, that’s all”.


And that’s how I feel actually, like I come, do all homework, slowly change my thinking, implementing (or at least trying to) the knowledge and new skills in daily life but because I am supposed to do that not because I want it… And I even don’t know if I want it or not because I simply do not think about it… On the other hand, I’m “afraid” that I actually do care as I plan when I can go for holidays or meetings to not lose my sessions etc… And I somehow hate the fact that I care, as I wrote I do not want to care… I know that it is good to care but I find my reasons very immature, I should care for myself and not because I do what I am told to do…


Thus, my questions is, are you also a therapy hard-worker and why are you or aren't you?