I commend you for looking back on the treatment you got as child with some skepticism. Despite all you've gone through, you are trying to look at your past analytically and critically. I don't have much faith in neurologists. As doctors go, I don't think they are the brightest. Those articles you put links to were very interesting. I agree that slapping that ADHD diagnosis on kids and feeding them a form of speed has gotten out of hand.

If a kid is having problems at school and falling behind his peers, it's easier to say that there must be something wrong with the kid's brain than to look at what is going on in the kid's family. Take a pill sounds like a quick fix. If you had social anxiety and tended to isolate, that was probably more the source of your stress than some disease of your brain that no one can prove you had.

The problems you are having now with isolation probably have their roots in childhood. If you managed to have a steady sweetheart in high school, you must have had an ability to connect emotionally with others. There was probably a lot that was right with you that didn't get to blossom fully.

The substance abuse magnifies all other problems. You seem to have a clear recognition that this has taken over your life. It gets harder and harder to turn that around, as you don't need me to tell you. Relying on doctors for help gets disappointing. All they can really do is write you a prescription for this and that. So they send that parade of medications through your life. Getting medical treatment makes sense, if you have a medical problem. Maybe you're basic problem was never medical in the first place. I know some people won't appreciate me saying that. I've come to that conclusion about my own situation. Depression in a person with a long history of social isolation will never be corrected by pills. Sometimes I think there is more and better help for substance abuse than there is for depression. There are programs out there that get you in with a group of other people where you do things together. Maybe you've tried that already. Some of these programs are not well advertised. Anything that gets you going out of the house at least several times a week to meet with others would probably do you some good.